My Big Fat Azerbaijani Wedding

No, I'm not engaged.

So as I said one of my co-workers, Dura, offered to take me to an Azerbaijani wedding on Tuesday. She picked me up promptly at 1 o’clock and right away I met her cousin who works for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I only managed to figure that one out after he had grilled me on every political subject possible and I tried to worm my way through diplomatic answers. Dura also decided en route that she needed to show me proper Azerbaijani cooking before the wedding (which didn’t start until 5 o’clock but she wanted my assistance in getting ready/ showing me off to her family) so she grabbed my hand and led me through the supermarket and bought a bunch of pastries and explained what they all were. I had been wondering what they called since I've been seeing these pastries in various places and it was good to finally get an explanation about all of them!

Once we got to her apartment I met her husband, son-in-law, son, and seven-month-old granddaughter. Everyone was very pleasant and I immediately was shown pictures of her daughter’s wedding. I really enjoyed talking with her family and husband about various subjects. They showed me pictures of Iman Reza, a holy Muslim site they visited and we talked about religion for awhile. Her cousin asked me if I was Protestant or Catholic (no dice) and when I told him I was actually Jewish he wished me a happy new year, which was very thoughtful. Once I said I was Jewish Dura got very excited because she has Jewish friends who live in Germany who are originally from Azerbaijan and said we would go visit them together. Then we all had tea (of course) and I had to eat about 10 pastries (which were all very good) and then about an hour later we had dinner, even though we were going to a wedding later. They also told me I wasn't eating enough. I swear, I’m convinced everyone I meet wants to make sure I gain as much weight here as possible. I also drank about 7 cups of tea (I wish I was kidding) since they kept pouring me more once I finished my cup.

So Dura tried on several dresses and then it’s time to go. Her neighbor was the groom and his family is Russian and Dura literally just dropped me off at their doorstep and I awkwardly sat inside alone and stumbled through Russian conversation with his mother and brother. No one seemed to care that some random American was hanging out with the family of the groom on the wedding day. Mind you, there were about three people there so it wasn’t like there was a big party- just me hanging out. Then Dura came back with her daughter, Tutu. Tutu is a year younger than I am, married and has a 7-month-old girl. Tutu was reluctant to use her English with me around but she was very sweet and would hold my hand whenever we wandered around for the rest of the night, which is typical here. (Dura did this too- she grabbed my hand and didn’t let go while we navigated the grocery store. I felt like a toddler but I know it’s completely normal for both sexes to do here.)

Then the actual ceremony began. We were in the groom’s wedding party and watched as three men with a clarinet, drums and accordion played Azerbaijani music in the dining room and the women in the apartment danced. Then the groom solemnly walked out of the apartment with 2 women holding a candle each, and a woman holding a mirror tied with a red ribbon. We all then ran into a 10-car caravan of Mercedes and Hyundais (random mix, I know) adorned with red ribbons and drove like maniacs throughout town to the bride’s apartment. Clearly en route the honking was non-stop since they were all trying to travel together and let everyone within a 10-mile radius know that someone’s getting married.

So we arrive at the bride’s apartment and the music begins again. The women with the candles and mirror stand up near the bride and groom and the father of the bride came over and tied a red ribbon around the bride. This is customary and signifies that the woman is the perfect match. The father of the bride and the father of the groom both said some words (I wish I knew what) and then all the women in the room danced. All of a sudden we pretty much ran out of the apartment and back into the cars to race to the restaurant where the reception was. At this point those 7 cups of tea were really starting to make themselves known so I was almost in pain by the time we got to the reception hall.

So we park the car and go into the hall. Everyone is supposed to sit down and the bride and groom wait in the limo for everyone to arrive and then make their grand entrance, set off by sparklers. Once they enter they say their vows, exchange rings and sign a marriage license. After that they drink champagne and proceed to their own table at the front of the room where they take about a thousand pictures throughout the night with the various guests (including me).

Clearly they were serving more food than I could even handle at this point, but I gamely kept eating (rough life, I know). The only people I saw drinking any alcohol were the Russian men (vodka, of course). Dura made a comment to me later in the night about how they only started dancing once they were drunk which is no doubt true. For the first four hours they played traditional Azerbaijani/ Russian music and yes, I danced. I don’t know what I did but Tutu and Dura grabbed me and pulled me onto the dance floor so I tried my best to twirl my arms and sway. I’m sure I looked foolish but I didn’t want to insult anyone. Dura, the ever-Azerbaijani mother matchmaker, made me dance with one of her son’s friends (he’s 19) and later told me he attends the Academy, where I teach. Tutu took pictures of me dancing with this fellow (on my camera!), which none of you will ever see. They all thought this was hilarious and they were quite clever for humiliating me. Even her son started laughing at me. I love being a foreigner.

We pretty much danced/ ate the rest of the night. The wedding started around 6:30 and went until midnight but we all decided to leave around 11. Dura said that the bride would throw the bouquet at the very end but neither one of us wanted to stick around, although I’m sure she would have gotten a great kick if I had caught it. Everyone was very nice and pleasant to me (as usual) and asked how I liked an Azerbaijani wedding. I even have some pictures with the mother of the groom and the grandmother.

The next day at work everyone asked me how I liked the wedding, what I liked about it, and if I danced. When I told them I did indeed dance they seemed very impressed. Clearly they didn’t see my dancing skills.